In a month's time, I would have completed my apprenticeship block - the last placement of my entire medical school life. It's surreal. From struggling as a foolish, ignorant first year, to a 4th year who flustered at every single stressful situation, to now, an almost-qualified doctor who still don't know much but at least when sh*t hits the fan, it doesn't show on my face as much. It has been a long arduous journey but by God's grace and strength, I persevered through it all.
'Where will you be working?' That's almost guaranteed the first question from anyone we meet in the hospital. 'Unfortunately, I will be leaving the country...' I answered every time, unsure if I should be showing sadness for leaving or to show my excitement for going to an environment which I've experienced and loved; But, just to be safe, I'll say, unfortunately. It's strange seeing everyone doing admin work for their upcoming job and rota, for we were just struggling with our exams like any students do just 2 weeks ago. It's strange to leave this massive institution of NHS as well. The spirit of putting others above oneself is definitely something I've seen many times in this institution regardless of my location of placement. It's beautiful, this selflessness. The NHS was not in the current state it was in when I first started medical school 6 years ago. It's just a bit odd and sad to see it in the state it is in today. Apart from the news in the media and the shortage of staffs, the most obvious change I've observed over the past 3 years is the decline in morale of the junior doctors. It started with the junior doctors' strike more than 2 years ago, which I helped to cover some of their jobs on the ward. The spirit of unity and solidarity was at an all-time high then, but things started to go downhill after that. I've always been very pessimistic about where the NHS will head from here, but with the recent political revolution in Malaysia (something that I was pessimistic about and couldn't quite believe has happened as well), I am more hopeful that the healthcare in England will be better...one day...just you see.
I'm not sure how quickly I will adapt to the new environment, but I am holding onto the hope that it will be the environment I will flourish in. With a recent racist incident that happened during one of my final OSCE stations, I hold onto that hope even tighter. It was a neurology station. The moment I walked in, even before I introduced myself, the old white male patient went 'Ni hao...' Of course, I was utterly gobsmacked for a while. I have had COUNTLESS of such encounters during my short clinical career life in the NHS thus far, so one can say I'm well accustomed to dealing with racist behaviours, but I have never expected to have to deal with THIS during my final exam. I mean, if this is part of passing the exam as a foreign medical student, then fair enough. But I was not told about this and I was marked on the same criteria as other students! Under a huge time-pressure and the desire to pass the examination, I just pretended nothing happened and continued my examination as usual. I wasn't sure how the examiner reacted to that as I didn't even have time to look at him. I have to finish my examination.
Just a few days ago, I learned that I passed all my exams. 'That's all that matters,' I told myself, 'Don't kick up too much fuss, don't prolong your stay, just graduate and out of the country you go!' I'm not sure if this is the right thing to do. I've talked to several colleagues about it, and of course, they were all shocked. However, as of my current state, I'm very content with where I am and I think I will keep the situation to just at that. The only thing I am worried is, I am not sure who is the next 'foreign' medical student who will face the same situation as I did and how will he/she react. But whatever happens, just know that it's not your fault, be strong and pass your exams. That's all that matters, for that moment.
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